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What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Virgin Territory

Why is it that the 1st time we attempt to do something new and out of our comfort zone, we put huge expectations on it...as if it will completely alter our lives? And even worse, that somehow, we're going to be excellent at it and achieve better than mediocore goals?

This is what I do when I make first attempts at anything that involves strength, athleticism, & sports....I don't give a s*** about competing with anyone, but man, do I compete with myself...way too competitive, way too hard on myself too.

This is how I am feeling about what will hopefully be my first attempt at a full marathon...where I actually make it through the training & show up at the start. My first attempt to train for a full marathon got me no start & almost 9 months of no running (yes, I did cheat a bit & yes, I didn't take the doctors orders & be in a walking boot)...so why in the hell would I put such huge time expectations/goals on myself when I should be grateful to do it if I do survive the gruelling training and still make it to race day? Most days, I am grateful just to be running again because I know how brutal I am when I can't.

I was thinking all this last Thursday...July 4th on my 2 hour long run in the 90 degree heat up in the Lakes Region...yes, I might definitely have a few marbles loose for even thinking about doing that run out there, let alone succeeding...but this is what I learned on that awful, uncomfortable run.

Okay, it can't get any wose than this. This pretty much is what I am going to feel like come mile 20 when I hit that marathon wall...though I should be lucky to make it to mile 20...assuming I make it through this damn run, let alone that actual race. And if I make it through this absolutely ridiculous run, there is no way in hell, I am not going to make it through my training. Afterall, I am well aware of my short-comings, and I have a plan to find a way to work my way through them (less running, more balance).

And in between dunking my head in the lake at a boat launch and then, finishing up my last 5 miles, I realized...I am in fact a virgin...I've never ran 26.2 miles...ever...in a race, in a row, ever...so why am I putting all this pressure on myself? Yes, I have already wished that I was 40 years old...alas, I will be 39 in the fall...you runners know what that really means...in the back of my self-absorbed, overly confident, conceited head I had already figured out what time I needed for the big BQ and not being 40 meant I needed to be that much faster. What the hell am I thinking? I should be focused on the start and the finish...that in itself is an enormous accomplishment.

And let's face it...when you are a virgin and you finally set the date...you put all these preconceived notions about how wonderful it's going to be...& for some, it's just awful...for others, maybe a flicker of light...but for most, just a quick, minor milestone that you would probably no sooner forget.

So being a virgin...I'm taking all pressure off right now....I'm going to relax & not worry so damn much about it nor am I going to put all these high expectations on it especially since I know it will probably not be exactly how I imagine it to be...for good and for bad...and instead, I will try to enjoy the journey of my training & see where it takes me. And when I line up on the start...I will remind myself, you are a virgin...this is the first...no other will be quite the same (for good and for bad) so enjoy the ride....

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