A Mother's Sonnet to the month of May: Mother F***ing May I

The saying Mother May I evokes so many images: groomed yards with green grass and flowers starting to bloom, perfectly dressed children playing a friendly game of basketball with their siblings, and of course, Mother's Day. Spring is here, families are out taking leisurely walks around the block over the weekend.  There's time for all the yard work on Saturday morning. Children are helping their mom with the laundry, dishes and trash while mom puts her feet up after a long week at work. Maybe she is having a cocktail AND a conversation with her husband as they catch up together.

Remember that game Mother May? Mother may I take three steps.....and shove this May bullshit where the sun don't shine?

Seriously, does anyone's May resemble anything like what I described above? My kids are dressed in dirty, holey shorts that are probably too short because it went from snowing to 90 degrees in a week (welcome to New England) and who has time to go shopping with a 7th, 6th and 3rd grader?

You are also likely to hear at least two of my three girls fighting, screaming or crying at any given time.  On a good day, they start out playing basketball together which ultimately ends in someone chucking the ball at the other...and the fighting/screaming/crying begins.

Our weekends in May consist of Lacrosse practices and Lacrosse games....games usually scheduled in three opposite parts of the state. And being in New Hampshire, we just had an enormous amount of rain all spring which leads to cancelled LAX games and ultimately, make up games squeezed in with the regularly scheduled games.

I know you may say we did this to ourselves, that we are just doing too much and playing into the  other sporty parents out there. Actually much more simple than that. We are just trying to prevent our girls from being on Instagram all day, doing drugs, and/or becoming sluts...so this is part of our solution to be good parents, They stay busy and play sports year round.

And so with that because they play fall soccer which conveniently holds their tryouts in May on that weekend you already have 5 LAX games, 1 LAX practice, and two spring soccer games (not to be confused with the fall soccer tryouts as well)...the shitstorm starts to get out of hand.

Not to be forgotten are all the "fun" things our schools shove into May: the various school projects, state testing, field trips and school events that come up one right after another. Before I know it, my wallet is empty of every last buck from craft supplies for all the damn projects, I have a girl crying anxious over some problem in the state test she thinks she answered wrong which ultimately turns me into Crazy Mom and I begin to berate our fine educational system.  Listen, make it easy on all of us, make them write a paper, do a little SSR and call it a day....

My resolution for all of this is to quit May. I am done.  I'm all for starting Memorial Day Weekend right after April 30th. It is the one weekend many families have completely off from everything. And probably the only one the entire school year with no practices, no games, no community event, no school project...this is our free pass. We get more quality family time, stress free lazy days of yard work, and family bbq's,

In fact, we could do this all summer long. We could just put our feet up with a ice filled drink in our hand and enjoy our family...watch our kids play a round of PIG.....until that moment when enough is enough and someone whips the ball at someone's head...and we start counting the days until August when it all starts back up again....