Why is it that every new adventure has to have this gut wrenching moment when it begins? Why can't we just suddenely be emerged into the task we've set out at hand? There's always that moment of pulling the trigger...it happens all the time if you think about it.
Remember that conversation, "do we want to have children? are we ready to keep another person alive & mold them with all our idiosynchracies?" Kind of a life changer so I expect that feeling of wanting to vomit the moment I imagine being responsible for another human being for at least the next 21 years.
But what about the less live changing decisions... like I really am not loving the color of this room...do we paint it? We spend hours mulling over paint swatches, lurking in the paint department at the Depot. Why can't we just pick a color & start? Immerse ourselves in paint, just go for it.
Recently, I'm sitting in the abyss of "Holy c***!" I can't believe I signed up for the marathon. MInd you, I registered about almost 4 months ago & had already decided over a year ago that I would do this one. Now that I am about to start my training...I want to throw up...just thinking about the task at hand. It is a cardio workout in itself...I start sweating, & I imagine all the horrible things that could go wrong. What if I get hurt during training? What if I realistically have taken on too much? What if I can't finsish the race? What if I poop myself during the race (who could forget that elite runner years ago at the Boston Marathon)...somehow, I don't think me pooping myself & forging forward would be quite as graceful.
Coming back from my last run before the training officially begins (as if the trumpets are going to alert everyone on day 1)...I confide to one of my runner friends that I am in fact doing a marathon. I swear her to secrecy like somehow word is going to spread like wildfire & everyone has nothing better to do than talk about me training for the marathon. Pretty egocentric, I know! So what am I afraid of? I express my doubts & how I don't feel ready but the training starts next week. Her reply was " Well, you just have to start."
You just have to start, period. No drama, no back & forth...no doubts. Just start. That's it. No need to over complicate things. And that's how running should always be. Whether you are running 26.2 miles or your 1st 5k...or your first run around the block. Just start. And so the journey begins...no drama, no vomit, and hopefully, very little poop...
- What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe