In life and sport, there are those that stay within the perimeters of what is set, what is comfortable, and what is safe. In road races, these are the people that will start the race nice and easy to warm-up...they will probably gradually build to a steady pace that they will be able to finish in. They will probably never throw up after a race or pee themselves. They also will probably nevcr make a silly race mistake by testing the limits...meaning they won't ever fail, they won't hit the wall, and it also means, they probably won't have that one moment when they do something unbelievable-beyond what they really should be capable of..defying the odds of their ability.
I walk the line..sometimes coming too close & sometimes too aggressively. With running, I have made the mistake of bursting out at the start and failing miserably in the race later when I bonked. I've thrown up after, and most definitely peed as I sprinted across finish lines. I've also burst out & actually come out a winner, prize and all. And many times, I've ended up not happy with my time, knowing I might have had a little more in me. That is what can be difficult to determine...where is that line? At what point is it too much, too reckless, too aggressive....
In my past self as a coach & as a player...I'v been carded, fouled out...spoken to by the powers that be...and also, complimented and praised for my intensity and drive by the very same people. I always have good intentions; Bobby Knight I am not...but yes, I've pushed my players and the players around me to be the best they could be...no different than the way I push myself.
I do struggle sometimes with knowing my boundary...how hard & how close can I get to the line to pull off the win, to be the best that I can be so that if I lose, I went down with a fight & if I win, I won and I am spent...
Sometimes, being this aggressive, is too close...red cards are handed out, people foul out, people get written up, pulled in for a talking to...you name it...and other times, it sets the tone for a W.
Last night, at my daughters' basketball game...it all started to make sense, in life and sport. One of my girls is just like me...a fierce competitor to the end. She did walk the line last night...getting extremely physical, racked up a bunch of fouls...but no one scored on her...not on her watch. And at one point, she even took it too far & may have pushed someone incidently/accidently after being knocked down. I pulled her aside on the bench & encouraged her to keep up the intensity but I also gently reminded her of the rules...the perimeter...the line that she cannot cross...hoping this would not discourage her intensity & focus to pull off the win.
That's when it hit me...in life and in sport, I will always be the person that comes close to the line...I'm a competitor...I don't know how to soften up and just let things take their course naturally. I try to make things happen. I might occasionally need the slap on the wrist, the mid-race barf or the yellow card to remind me of that line... I will apologize if I cross the line and take it too far, but I won't apologize for being me...a competitor to the end.
- What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe