About Me

My photo
What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe

Friday, June 3, 2016

letting go

When you have gone through hell and back and end up on the other side, you finally get that moment to look back and see all that you've been through.  It is amazing when you realize you have been holding your breath for so long and then, as you start to hit those 1st milestones...like my recent first, the day I was diagnosed. You just cannot believe what you have survived.

With that first gasp of air, like you have been holding your breath the past 11 months, you realize you just might be a better person after all this cancer crap.

What I have realized is that  for a long time, a life time, I could never let go. I always had to be in control, make sh** happen even if it was not my place to do so. I worried, I fretted, I took everything  personally....work, friends, family...the weight of the world on my shoulders. There's only one place to go when you live life like that...rock bottom.

I have finally accepted that I do need to work on the art of letting go, and the past few weeks, reliving what last year was like....I think I finally am consciously aware of letting go.  This terrifying roller coaster ride has given me that...the permission to just let some things go.

Some days, I am still pissed....pissed that not everyone checks things off on their to-do list the way I would. That while I have some wonderful friends that have stood by my side...some I'm not even sure if we are friends still.  That this juggle called life with work and family is extremely difficult, and I cannot do it on my own. It truly does take a village, and I need more villagers in my corner to help with the insanity of 3 busy kids.  And I am pissed that it took a Stage 3 Cancer diagnosis, treatment and ongoing recovery to finally shake me furiously.  My eyes are wide open now.  I am not putting up with any more bull****.

But, today, 1 month away from 1 year later, I can look around at what I have left, and I realize for all Cancer stole from me, this gift...learning the art of letting go is a true blessing. It's okay to let things go that you cannot change ...sometimes they are people, sometimes circumstances. It is what it is. 

Some things are  no longer for me to worry about, because I am here. I am here...healthy, happy and waiting for the next set of scans and results to tell me I am one year cancer free.  I won't let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

"You shout it out, but I can't hear a word you say....I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet, You shoot me down, but I get up"....Titanium by David Guetta

"Too blessed to be stressed."  another butt kicking cancer fighting lady I am honored to know