Mean Girls: A trip down memory lane

 I have made several attempts over the past year to write about bullying and mean girls. Time and time again, I have decided to walk away from the computer....not ready to open those wounds. I sit here waiting for a phone call back from one of the principals at my daughter's school. I will leave it at that regarding any details because it is not my story to tell. And I won't get into the repulsive things that have occurred at our middle school to other students in the past year. That is their story to tell if they so choose.

But it does happen. In beautiful and wealthy seacoast towns where high school students drive BMW's and elementary school students have the latest Iphones. It also happens in little suburbs where nothing ever happens, and getting a McDonald's is a big deal....

Bullies do not discriminate, and students are bullied for various reasons. Make no mistake, not all kids who are bullied are shoved in a locker or threatened (well, actually sometimes they may threaten that they are going to kick your ass if you talk to their ex-boyfriend again), but all in all, it is often not always as some may imagine. Some girls who have been bullied are ironically sometimes on the inside of the "cool kids." They may be popular and have a ton of friends. They probably did decent in school, was a good athlete, and more times than not, are cute.

We had not coined the term mean girls back in the 90's...but yes, that's what they were. Some of the meanest people I have ever met in my lifetime....those upperclassman girls.

These were the type of girls that spread complete lies about you because they were still mad that you had dated one of their boys for like 3 weeks back in junior high. They couldn't stand you when you started dated a senior as a sophomore. Then, when "one of theirs" decided she was going to go after this particular boy, and he didn't dump you for the that girl, that fueled the fire.

And so that sophomore year, despite being somewhat stressful...was still fun because your boyfriend had friends who watched out for you. And when you decided to try out for a new sport, one of the captain's on the varsity team (one of his buddies) looked out for you, and kept those mean girls at bay. For the most part they began to leave you alone.

The sad thing is once a mean girl always a mean girl. And when you've crossed them, they don't let go. And school years end, and your senior allies graduate...

You start the year with a bang and end of making the varsity team. Even though some of these mean girls are your teammates, they hate you even more because you "start" and play more than "one of theirs."  Mean girls are territorial, and frankly, they make real shitty athletes because they cannot see past their own insecurities for the greater of the team. It's no wonder a team like that would barely have a 500 record.

What's ironic is sometimes, the biggest bully of all who never ceased to leave you alone, probably had the most in common with you...despite being cruel. Maybe this bully played the same sport as you, and maybe they had the same aspirations to be a journalist.....but you would never use your power as an editor to leave the last mark to hurt someone. But she would, and that's where all the differences come back into play. 

I seemingly forgot about my two years of being bullied once I was a senior. It felt like the world was my oyster. My team ended up runner up to the state title with the best record for that team in history. I finally earned that spot as an editor once I was a senior. It was an amazing year full of spirit queen crowns, athletic awards and for once, pretty decent grades. And to top it all off, I signed with a college team to play ball on scholarship. It was a whirlwind of a year, full of some of the best memories.

Once I left for college, I never looked back. Looking back on it now, I don't know why I just had the urge to dust myself off of that little suburb. I think now as I replay this all in my mind, perhaps my desire to start new was that I still had those wounds I had buried away.  Thinking of some of these girls now, I don't know what hurt me worse...how cruel they could be or that once my senior allies left, no one else was there to tell them to cut the shit....not my good friends, not my teammates....no teachers....people just either didn't notice or didn't want to get involved. Maybe that's why despite having an amazing senior year, I couldn't wait to shake myself off of that town....

My story is not unusual, and it's actually probably tame compared to the things that happen today with social media and all. But, it was not okay. And it is not okay today. 

I made myself a promise when I had my very first baby girl in my arms, I would bring her up to be kind enough to see the good in all and strong enough to stand up for those not as strong as her. I can only hope when she is not feeling as strong as we have raised her to be, she will have someone to be by her side as an ally.