18 summers left....

There is a phenomenon that is taking a life of it's own thanks to our very accessible social media platforms out there...as if us moms don't already have a guilt trip at least once each day about leaving our children for work, trying to work from home or being a stay at home mother full time. We are faced with decisions every single moment of each day in this so called 18 more summers left with our children, and in every single moment, I guarantee most of us are doing the best we can in that moment of that day....even when it means we've left our poor children to eat cereal for dinner, and told them that no...we are not dropping $50 at their favorite burger joint because it's summer vacation, and there's no food in the house. Or "GASP", we've fed them dino nuggets in front of the tv and called it "dinner and a movie night" just so we can sit in back with our significant other and be left alone briefly.

In my 18 summers left this summer, (well technically that would be 9 years for one, and 4 and 5 years left for the other).....it has been a beautiful week where I live.  Beach access is a quick 10 minute drive. You know how many times I have taken my children to the beach the past two weeks?  Once...and it doesn't even count. This is one of the many days we have had in our very imperfect 18 summers left. Out of guilt, I brought 2 out of the 3 girls who were home to the beach. I felt guilty that I had not taken them anywhere fun that week. For the most part, they had spent the entire week playing/reading/instagramming around the house while I worked. So I pack these two lovely children of mine (and I do mean it, they are adorable and funny when they are on), and I pile up the surf boards, a bag of snacks and off we go to make some memories of what little we have left. 

When we get to the beach, and we assess that the ocean is more lake like and probably not worth taking the boards down, we decide we will stay for a bit to swim and hang out. Well, let me reword this...one of them decides we must swim, the other just wants to hang out in the sand, and I just want to take a walk on the beach since we are there and actually found a parking spot. If I was one of these perfect moms who feeds her children organic foods all the time, sends them to athletic camp and arts camp and foreign language camp, and I cherish every single moment with them on summer vacation, then, I probably would have gone in the water with the stubborn one. But frankly, I was quite comfortable, didn't feel like dealing with the salt in my hair and maybe, just maybe I was feeling as stubborn and bitchy as she was going to get.

My "no" to going in the waters prompts the "we need to swim" child to begin complaining loudly and incessantly so that every person within 50 feet can hear her. The kid who usually complains is just sitting there quietly for once but then she decides to kick some sand at the whining little turd. I can't say I blamed her; I kind of felt like doing that as well. Well, this obviously did not end well, and a brief sand fight breaks out which I quickly squash by announcing "pack your shit up, we are out of here" in my best I am not f***ing around voice. And yes, I am that mom who not only drags my kids off the beach within 10 minutes of arriving because they are being a-holes but I will also use a 4 letter word here and there when they are really having a day.

And so, back home we went....a completely wasted moment to take pictures and hashtag how charming and perfect my children are and how we are just having a fabulous day in this only 18 summers left kind of way. This is real life people.  I know all the real moms out there have had their own version of this, and if you haven't, then we can't be friends, like ever. And if you are a new mom with your 1st child...trust me, if you have more children...you can say all you want "I would never"...but you will. And guess what, it's okay.

We are all going to be okay as mothers. We are going to have the best summer days, and we are going to have the worst summer days. We will feed our children from the farmer's market, and we will heat up a frozen pizza as well. We will have days that are full of education and adventure, and we will have days we just let them be with whatever device they are occupied with. We are doing the best we can, and don't fall into the trap of thinking anything less than that. It is okay to be that real mom. That is what real 18 summers and counting really is.

Later that evening, after dinner, my husband and I were cleaning up and getting ready to have a glass of wine and hang on the patio when I heard it....the bounce of the basketball, the shriek of delight.  I quickly run to the front of the house to peek out the window and see my 3 girls playing a game of horse together. I want to go grab my phone and take a picture...but truth be told, we all know that this game could end with someone whipping the ball at someone else's head so I stop, and just watch, holding my breath. This is my 18 summers....