18 summers left....

There is a phenomenon that is taking a life of it's own thanks to our very accessible social media platforms out there...as if us moms don't already have a guilt trip at least once each day about leaving our children for work, trying to work from home or being a stay at home mother full time. We are faced with decisions every single moment of each day in this so called 18 more summers left with our children, and in every single moment, I guarantee most of us are doing the best we can in that moment of that day....even when it means we've left our poor children to eat cereal for dinner, and told them that no...we are not dropping $50 at their favorite burger joint because it's summer vacation, and there's no food in the house. Or "GASP", we've fed them dino nuggets in front of the tv and called it "dinner and a movie night" just so we can sit in back with our significant other and be left alone briefly.

In my 18 summers left this summer, (well technically that would be 9 years for one, and 4 and 5 years left for the other).....it has been a beautiful week where I live.  Beach access is a quick 10 minute drive. You know how many times I have taken my children to the beach the past two weeks?  Once...and it doesn't even count. This is one of the many days we have had in our very imperfect 18 summers left. Out of guilt, I brought 2 out of the 3 girls who were home to the beach. I felt guilty that I had not taken them anywhere fun that week. For the most part, they had spent the entire week playing/reading/instagramming around the house while I worked. So I pack these two lovely children of mine (and I do mean it, they are adorable and funny when they are on), and I pile up the surf boards, a bag of snacks and off we go to make some memories of what little we have left. 

When we get to the beach, and we assess that the ocean is more lake like and probably not worth taking the boards down, we decide we will stay for a bit to swim and hang out. Well, let me reword this...one of them decides we must swim, the other just wants to hang out in the sand, and I just want to take a walk on the beach since we are there and actually found a parking spot. If I was one of these perfect moms who feeds her children organic foods all the time, sends them to athletic camp and arts camp and foreign language camp, and I cherish every single moment with them on summer vacation, then, I probably would have gone in the water with the stubborn one. But frankly, I was quite comfortable, didn't feel like dealing with the salt in my hair and maybe, just maybe I was feeling as stubborn and bitchy as she was going to get.

My "no" to going in the waters prompts the "we need to swim" child to begin complaining loudly and incessantly so that every person within 50 feet can hear her. The kid who usually complains is just sitting there quietly for once but then she decides to kick some sand at the whining little turd. I can't say I blamed her; I kind of felt like doing that as well. Well, this obviously did not end well, and a brief sand fight breaks out which I quickly squash by announcing "pack your shit up, we are out of here" in my best I am not f***ing around voice. And yes, I am that mom who not only drags my kids off the beach within 10 minutes of arriving because they are being a-holes but I will also use a 4 letter word here and there when they are really having a day.

And so, back home we went....a completely wasted moment to take pictures and hashtag how charming and perfect my children are and how we are just having a fabulous day in this only 18 summers left kind of way. This is real life people.  I know all the real moms out there have had their own version of this, and if you haven't, then we can't be friends, like ever. And if you are a new mom with your 1st child...trust me, if you have more children...you can say all you want "I would never"...but you will. And guess what, it's okay.

We are all going to be okay as mothers. We are going to have the best summer days, and we are going to have the worst summer days. We will feed our children from the farmer's market, and we will heat up a frozen pizza as well. We will have days that are full of education and adventure, and we will have days we just let them be with whatever device they are occupied with. We are doing the best we can, and don't fall into the trap of thinking anything less than that. It is okay to be that real mom. That is what real 18 summers and counting really is.

Later that evening, after dinner, my husband and I were cleaning up and getting ready to have a glass of wine and hang on the patio when I heard it....the bounce of the basketball, the shriek of delight.  I quickly run to the front of the house to peek out the window and see my 3 girls playing a game of horse together. I want to go grab my phone and take a picture...but truth be told, we all know that this game could end with someone whipping the ball at someone else's head so I stop, and just watch, holding my breath. This is my 18 summers....

Are We Raising Entitled A**holes??

We live in la la land. No, really...I am fortunate enough that because both my husband and I have worked hard and maybe had a little luck on our side, we are raising our children in perhaps the pinnacle of the universe all wrapped up in a perfect bubble full of seashells, peace signs and picket fences. I love where we live. But, I am increasingly beginning to wonder if my children have any idea what life is like outside of their charming life...

Are we raising kids that are going to end up entitled a**holes?

Make no mistake, we have had our own share of major family crisis and are still living with some challenges.  But what I am talking about here is the superficial day to day way of life, the experiences my children can have and the possibilities of opportunities are endless...whether it be through their school, community or their family.

 To name a few, in school, they can travel abroad to learn the foreign language they are studying...or for a long weekend, they can travel to NYC to experience the big city with their classmates...

Many people they know have ski houses, lake houses or both.  A lot of families take not just one big vacation but several throughout the year (which make no mistake, I will keep busting my ass because I'd love to be able to take my family on several vacations a year).  Just about everyone here belongs to at least 1 of the many country clubs at the beach or golf course.

There are many luxuries that a lot of hard working families in our town are able to afford.  I worry that my kids think this is completely normal (I'd love for them to work their asses off so they too will have all that as well if that is what they want) but do they appreciate the simple things that they have on a day to day basis?  Do they have any idea that there is a whole other world beyond life in this bubble?

Of course, like all parents, we want our children to have better than we did...but at the same token, we are living in a world, at least in my bubble...where these kids are offered even more amazing opportunities that I could ever imagine...some that I wonder "are they necessary???"  And I worry that they may be missing the flip side of some down to earth and humbling experiences?

With all that in my mind, when we suddenly found ourselves in need to work on a rental property of ours, we decided we would hire our two older girls to help us out and get an apartment ready after it had been trashed. This particular income property is well outside the bubble of where we live, and the neighborhood is as real as it gets. The apartment they started working in (along with my supervision) had basically become what I tongue in cheek call "The Crack Shack."

Our former tenant (a grown man in his 50's mind you) had started hanging around the wrong people...and just like that, had taken the wrong path himself and was now in all kinds of trouble with the law. He was in jail for violating a restraining order (apparently he beat his girlfriend), once she moved out (good for her), he kept spiraling further down and became addicted to heroin.

I am sure this type of stuff happens in our bubble in some way...but for my girls to have to walk in that apartment and clean up...this provided a whole level of just telling a story of what happens when you hang around the wrong people and make bad choices. They could feel every bad choice in this apartment with their senses:  The smell that reeked like a mix of animal, smoke and God knows what else.  The left over needles that  had nothing to do with a chronic disease.  The profanity of someone yelling down the street to their kids.  An apartment that looked neglected and abandoned...not a place someone had previously called home. 

I was surprised that the girls went to work and were quick...working hard and efficiently.  When I offered to them to take a break at one point, only one of the them took my offer. The other said "I just want to finish this and go home."

I hope this little experiment/experience paid off. I was able to give a bird's eye view of a different life. Life on the other side of the picket fence.  And, they had to do some work that not even I enjoy doing in those kind of conditions. I think they came home to our own house and realized that we may not have the biggest house, but it is a nice house that we take pride in keeping nice, clean, and comfortable.  It is in a neighborhood other walks of life outside this town would call where the richies live (hardly the case for us, but a reality in the housing market we live in).

I am not a parental expert.  While I do have a Masters of Education, sometimes I worry that I have forgotten to teach my children the most important lessons of all.  These girls who did not come with any manuals can be exhausting and wonderful and little sh*ts too.  Sometimes,  I think I am doing a good job, and many times, I think I have really missed the mark and f***ed them up. But, they are still alive, they say please and thank you....and they work hard in school and in their extracurricular activities.

But, I want them to have it all. And by that, I want to make sure they don't become entitled a**holes. I want them to have compassion for all people. I hope that they will work very hard so they can fulfill all their dreams. But with that, I hope they still appreciate finding a couple of extra bucks in their jeans and maybe buy a cup of coffee for their elderly neighbor. I dream that they will do something really big with their life and be in the position to help others less fortunate and still shower their own children with amazing experiences.

I want my girls to understand that it is okay to want things but it is even better to work for things that are not things(does that make sense?)...and while fabulous vacations are great rewards for hard work (trust me, I dream of us going to Austria as a family), sometimes the rewards for hard work can be as simple as knowing you are doing the right thing, doing a good job and appreciating all the things in life.

I don't know if we are doing it right...but we are doing the best we can and hopefully, they will take something out of these lessons we are trying to teach.