If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...then, call me crazy! But, how do you embrace change if you have had some really good rides along the way?
In running, family, and work, I've had a lot of laughs, a lot of fun, and a lot of kick-ass perserverance...I have, however, had my share of tears, frustration, & disappointment. The high of running a Boston-qualifying marathon, only to spend a year injured, rehabbing and resting....With my family, running around like a lunatic after work, sometimes trying to be everything to everyone and then, snapping at my children in a weak, tired moment because I simply cannot be it all, all the time. And then, in work, sometimes putting IT before my family...funneling all that high enthusiasm and positive energy there, while leaving nothing left for the people who love me and need me the most...and not letting go, always in the wings ready to rescue or help out....only to come home feeling tired, alone, cranky, and still hurting...with no run to solve all my problems.
In my life, I've probably had more ups than downs...but man, the downs hurt...they are hard, & they are never due to lack of effort...so perhaps that means it is time for a change. If I am to always grow, always improve...keep on moving forward...perhaps there is a better way.
I start training fairly soon for Boston. I've enlisted someone who will help me approach it so there will be life after the marathon. I was skeptical at first...plain old rebelling the second time...and now, realizing I have no other choice unless I want to end up with the same result...sidelined...I am ready to embrace it. Ankle mobility exercises...check...hip rotation drills...check...less running, more strength & mobility work...I'm starting to buy it.
And then, the juggle of family life...it has been as crazy and as sporadic as my injured running has been the past year. Faking it until I make it...going through the motions...but dead tired & lacking patience...this has to stop. If I am to survive three active young ladies during our first winter ski racing...I am going to have to come up with a new way of doing things...like the way I feel about running...remembering the joy and thrill of the moment with my family...not being so rigid...and saving some positive love and joy & "go get them" cheers for my people...the loves of my life.
Which leads me to where I spend the majority of my hours daily, at work. I cannot save everyone all of the time. I can't do it all, all of the time...and I am no less of a leader for asking for help and calling on my team to help me when I need it. And, most difficult but probably most important...learning to shut it off...the phone, the email, the calls of help when it's not an emergency...letting go and letting people learn how to figure it out.
I vow to do things different this time around...and while I will not call it a New Year's Resolution...I will resolve to change so that I can take care of myself, my family, and then, my work.
- What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe