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What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe

Friday, July 11, 2014

The Comeback

The sun does rise again after a sunset. The flowers do bloom after a long, cold winter. And life does go on after a death, illness, tragedy, or an oxygen depriving, blind-siding sucker punch to the gut…

In running and in my lifetime of sport, I have always wanted to be perfect…train exactly how I need to in order to get the result I am aiming to get. Like a simple math equation, if I do x and y then, I will get z…done. Of course, life and life as a runner, a mom, a wife…fully employed managing a health club while managing my own home life & our own rental properties…it never, ever goes as smoothly as that…but I have always managed to pull off exactly what I needed to do for my “win.”

The question remains…can I run a race knowing I am not 100%...knowing that I was asked with the intent of this being “fun” versus the last time we ran it to chase a prize…Is it possible to rise from the injured runner cemetery and train a short time to complete a race? Can I put my ego aside and just be…just run…that’s all I’m expected to do…complete it and have fun…

Sounds like a dream for someone trying to make a comeback…a nice way to ease back into the game…problem is, my all or nothing attitude…that attitude that has gotten me far in my athletic endeavors could hold me back and drown me this time around or hurt me. My all or nothing ego…has given me so many opportunities and experiences and yet, could hold me back in the blink of an eye.

The pressure has already been taken off by the team sponsor…but I’ve never been competitive with everyone else…I am competitive with myself…always trying to prove I am worthy, I am strong, I am smart, I am good…enough…

Nothing is a definite but when you know the expectations and you know you can meet them, then, really…you have got nothing to lose…Because maybe having an all or nothing attitude worked before, but maybe, just maybe…the time is right to learn how to ride the bumps without getting too excited or too deflated…to just show up and play for the sake of finishing. 

Maybe somewhere there is a shade of gray that I will learn to like…that I can meet in the middle. I might not be running my fastest, and I might not be taking one for the team…but maybe…just showing up, doing my part by participating is the “win”.

If there is one thing I have learned, in life, work, love, and running…it doesn’t always have to be perfect, and it doesn’t even have to be great…but making a comeback after the fall…making an attempt at a comeback, even if it’s awkward, uncomfortable and not always pretty, maybe that is what matters most of all…

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