Today was our 1 year anniversary of opening our Aroma Joe's coffee shop. I was literally thinking about what I was going to post to commemorate the date in social media. I love looking at the memories of the ups and downs and fears & fights conquered. I headed home & saw the email of the labs notification and then, my phone rang....cardinal's law for me anyway, important news always comes when I am at work or driving on 95N. I don't know why but I've lived this historically for the past 20+ years.
"I'm sorry to have to tell you this"....and we know the rest. I haven't quite figured out if I am really God damn lucky or really unlucky. You see, a longtime friend of ours is battling the battle...and I think of him every single day because it's the same cancer I had almost 9 years ago. And then, I met someone at Rotary who's son had passed in his 20's & Dad fundraises for the cause...same cancer. This felt all too familiar a sign for me.
I do believe in signs and being aware of the universe trying to point you in a direction. Back to last week...so, I called and in less than 24 hours, I was having biopsies done at my insistence. Fast forward 4 days later...I've been referred back to the place where I started. Luckily or unluckily, when you've been a VIP Cancer patient...they make things happen. Less than 24 hours I head back into Yawkey Way...if you know, then you know.
I'm f*&*ing pissed because this should have been the Summer of 9 years cancer free. I'm so mad I think I could really knock someone out because this was not the chapter that was suppose to happen.
Back to Friday going in for the biopsies, they thought I was crazy. "What doctor is referring you for these biopsies"...."I am, I am referring myself. I've already had Stage 3 cancer so this is what we need to do." So they obliged, given my history even though they didn't think anything was unusual. Damn I wish I was wrong.
So am I lucky or am I unlucky? I've lived 8 years cancer free & was so close to 9...my lucky number. I guess time will tell. For now, I'm mad...mad as hell. Tomorrow I will run...then go work the business...and then, head into the oncology department once again.
I have a lot of tears and a whole lot of anger in me...but I'm lucky. I am self aware and pay attention to things around me. I really feel like I could have easily ignored all the signs in the universe & who knows? Instead, I responded to a gutteral feeling...and while unlucky, my gut was correct...at least maybe Im lucky enough to have a good shot to fight again...
