If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results...then, call me crazy! But, how do you embrace change if you have had some really good rides along the way?
In running, family, and work, I've had a lot of laughs, a lot of fun, and a lot of kick-ass perserverance...I have, however, had my share of tears, frustration, & disappointment. The high of running a Boston-qualifying marathon, only to spend a year injured, rehabbing and resting....With my family, running around like a lunatic after work, sometimes trying to be everything to everyone and then, snapping at my children in a weak, tired moment because I simply cannot be it all, all the time. And then, in work, sometimes putting IT before my family...funneling all that high enthusiasm and positive energy there, while leaving nothing left for the people who love me and need me the most...and not letting go, always in the wings ready to rescue or help out....only to come home feeling tired, alone, cranky, and still hurting...with no run to solve all my problems.
In my life, I've probably had more ups than downs...but man, the downs hurt...they are hard, & they are never due to lack of effort...so perhaps that means it is time for a change. If I am to always grow, always improve...keep on moving forward...perhaps there is a better way.
I start training fairly soon for Boston. I've enlisted someone who will help me approach it so there will be life after the marathon. I was skeptical at first...plain old rebelling the second time...and now, realizing I have no other choice unless I want to end up with the same result...sidelined...I am ready to embrace it. Ankle mobility exercises...check...hip rotation drills...check...less running, more strength & mobility work...I'm starting to buy it.
And then, the juggle of family life...it has been as crazy and as sporadic as my injured running has been the past year. Faking it until I make it...going through the motions...but dead tired & lacking patience...this has to stop. If I am to survive three active young ladies during our first winter ski racing...I am going to have to come up with a new way of doing things...like the way I feel about running...remembering the joy and thrill of the moment with my family...not being so rigid...and saving some positive love and joy & "go get them" cheers for my people...the loves of my life.
Which leads me to where I spend the majority of my hours daily, at work. I cannot save everyone all of the time. I can't do it all, all of the time...and I am no less of a leader for asking for help and calling on my team to help me when I need it. And, most difficult but probably most important...learning to shut it off...the phone, the email, the calls of help when it's not an emergency...letting go and letting people learn how to figure it out.
I vow to do things different this time around...and while I will not call it a New Year's Resolution...I will resolve to change so that I can take care of myself, my family, and then, my work.
About Me
- runliftbreathe
- What started as a little experiment in blogging has evolved into my renewed love for writing the raw, gritty truth. Running has always had so many parallels to life's ups and downs. As a new cancer survivor/fighter, running and writing has continued to be there for me in my quest to always move forward, always try to be better than yesterday. Find me: http://www.curetoday.com/community/kate or on facebook: running, cancer, and everything in between or on twitter: runliftbreathe
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Runlift&breathe: Don't judge a book by its' cover
I have been passed by runners' half my size and twice my size...+ my age and half my age...doesn't matter...and I've surprised people with my own ability..."you're running Boston, as a charity number or qualified???" Yep, I take it personally...but that's because perhaps I've always been an underdog...your average experienced runner doesn't look at me and expect me to be able to do what I can do, most times he/she is surprised that I am even a runner...for me it's not a natural skill, just some training and a lot of mental toughness. When we underdogs are doubted, it only fuels our fire....
It's so cliché, but yet we have to do this time and time again. Do not judge a book by its' cover. I've had amazing life experiences with all types of athletes...playing with and coaching...and some of have been"drafted" athletes, decent full college scholarship athletes and even, just good athletes going to a decent college getting a chance to play...but the one I've met that is perhaps the most talented person/athlete yet...is not who you would expect him to be. He wasn't a college athlete as far as I know...but he's someone that is as fierce as any college athlete I have ever coached or played with...he's probably slower than most of the runners' I currently coach right now...but he is by far the most talented...the most talented athlete, runner, and human being....he doesn't talk loud, draw attention to himself...yet he has me captivated...
This person knows what it is like to be on the outside...he joined my group of crazy fit & experienced washed up athletes...he's a new runner...he's changing his life...he has goals...he's creating a new lifestyle....and he will run his first half marathon...and I am so privileged to have had the opportunity to coach him...why? Because he is tougher than any athlete I know....
Don't judge a book by its' cover...I've had my own experiences with this...how could a 5'10, 155lb broad shoulder washed up volleyball player who has all kinds of old mobility issues and injuries be capable of qualifying for Boston? I don't look pretty when I run...it doesn't look easy...I try to encourage all types of runners...because I too am not a beautiful one...don't judge a book by its' cover...
The thing is...usually the coach leads the pack...guiding the path, the pace, the ultimate goal...in my case, for the first time, I am the student...learning from my own...as he guides from the back of the pack...never giving up...going against all odds....defying all....I can learn from him also...to not give up, to keep persisting and not let the dream die...
Don't judge a book by its' cover...the toughest most amazing athletes, runners, human beings will be the ones you may miss if you do so....stop and take a look around. Who amazes you most? Is it the elite who finishes in the top 5? Or is it the person who defies all odds, despite the lack of support, keeps the eye on the prize....and finishes this race....don't judge a book by it's cover...the person with mental toughness may be someone you least expect....
It's so cliché, but yet we have to do this time and time again. Do not judge a book by its' cover. I've had amazing life experiences with all types of athletes...playing with and coaching...and some of have been"drafted" athletes, decent full college scholarship athletes and even, just good athletes going to a decent college getting a chance to play...but the one I've met that is perhaps the most talented person/athlete yet...is not who you would expect him to be. He wasn't a college athlete as far as I know...but he's someone that is as fierce as any college athlete I have ever coached or played with...he's probably slower than most of the runners' I currently coach right now...but he is by far the most talented...the most talented athlete, runner, and human being....he doesn't talk loud, draw attention to himself...yet he has me captivated...
This person knows what it is like to be on the outside...he joined my group of crazy fit & experienced washed up athletes...he's a new runner...he's changing his life...he has goals...he's creating a new lifestyle....and he will run his first half marathon...and I am so privileged to have had the opportunity to coach him...why? Because he is tougher than any athlete I know....
Don't judge a book by its' cover...I've had my own experiences with this...how could a 5'10, 155lb broad shoulder washed up volleyball player who has all kinds of old mobility issues and injuries be capable of qualifying for Boston? I don't look pretty when I run...it doesn't look easy...I try to encourage all types of runners...because I too am not a beautiful one...don't judge a book by its' cover...
The thing is...usually the coach leads the pack...guiding the path, the pace, the ultimate goal...in my case, for the first time, I am the student...learning from my own...as he guides from the back of the pack...never giving up...going against all odds....defying all....I can learn from him also...to not give up, to keep persisting and not let the dream die...
Don't judge a book by its' cover...the toughest most amazing athletes, runners, human beings will be the ones you may miss if you do so....stop and take a look around. Who amazes you most? Is it the elite who finishes in the top 5? Or is it the person who defies all odds, despite the lack of support, keeps the eye on the prize....and finishes this race....don't judge a book by it's cover...the person with mental toughness may be someone you least expect....
Monday, September 15, 2014
Love, Boston, & a 2nd Date...
I hesitate to even go here...because as runners we are all a little superstious...We don't wear the race shirts during the race, we eat the exact, same breakfast that we have been eating for the past 500 miles...we wear the exact outfit we've already tried out on at least half a dozen long runs...but I'll take a leap of faith...and share this little tid bit about Boston...because my story is actually a love story.
It's about a girl who liked a boy...a lot...and for the first time learned how to experience joy...the joy in life, in sport, and in love....
18 years ago on Patriot's Day, a boy took a girl out on their first official date to the Boston Marathon. She was not a "real runner" other than the running conditioning as a collegiate volleyball player. She knew of the Boston marathon but had no real emotional connection to it or running 26 miles.
But, this boy was different than any boy she had met...he was kind, funny, and opened up her eyes to experiences she never knew of...and she liked him a lot...so when he asked her to go on an official date (one that didn't involve 15 of her closest friends, or a frat party, or the same usual bar near campus) she agreed.
She still remembers riding the train in and seeing the crowds lining up. It was like a scene from a movie, and it was a beautiful sunny day, not too warm...not too cold...and the energy....it was contagious. There were no words to describe the energy.
It's about a girl who liked a boy...a lot...and for the first time learned how to experience joy...the joy in life, in sport, and in love....
18 years ago on Patriot's Day, a boy took a girl out on their first official date to the Boston Marathon. She was not a "real runner" other than the running conditioning as a collegiate volleyball player. She knew of the Boston marathon but had no real emotional connection to it or running 26 miles.
But, this boy was different than any boy she had met...he was kind, funny, and opened up her eyes to experiences she never knew of...and she liked him a lot...so when he asked her to go on an official date (one that didn't involve 15 of her closest friends, or a frat party, or the same usual bar near campus) she agreed.
She still remembers riding the train in and seeing the crowds lining up. It was like a scene from a movie, and it was a beautiful sunny day, not too warm...not too cold...and the energy....it was contagious. There were no words to describe the energy.
And so that boy walked her through the crowds after they hopped off the train...to find THE perfect viewing spot....at the 5 miler mark from the finish...one she would someday know oh too well in running that 1st marathon...21+miles in, the wall....
That girl fell in love that day....with a boy...she also fell in love with a new view of life and swore to herself that she would run that marathon someday....
13 years of marriage and 3 children later....last year, I signed up for my first full marathon with one intent...bold, sure.. egotistical, maybe...brazen, you bet your ass....I signed up to train for my 1st full marathon with only one goal in mind...to qualify for Boston.
13 years of marriage and 3 children later....last year, I signed up for my first full marathon with one intent...bold, sure.. egotistical, maybe...brazen, you bet your ass....I signed up to train for my 1st full marathon with only one goal in mind...to qualify for Boston.
With hard work & maybe a little luck of the Bostonian Irish...I did qualify for Boston...and last week when registration for 2015 officially opened, I got to sit there at my designated time & frantically wait, plug in my information & wait some more..until I could click that magic SUBMIT button.
I got my official acceptance over the weekend. And so I will get a chance at a second date...this time as a time qualifying runner. So much could happen between now and then, but I've got a 2nd date...and if all goes well between now and then, it will be as magical and memorable as the first one.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Breathe: Beautiful Girl, Beautiful Run
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder...then, I'm screwed & need to find away to get over myself. You would think that one approaching a milestone birthday would at this point in her life have made amends with her distorted image...but age doesn't always bring complete peace, & it most certainly doesn't equate to wisdom. For some of us, it's a long, slow battle that is always a work in progress...some days being better than others.
Thanks to social media, we are in touch with everyone...I do really depend on it to share the growth & development of my family with all of my family members several miles away. How else would I know that Uncle Kent got voted to councilman or that my neighbor I grew up with is now married with children. It's also convenient and necessary to build a business, keep clients engaged...and so on.
And then, there are the countless check-ins, posts, & pictures of how fabulous everyone is all doing, which I do love to look at and read..and I am right there with the best of them...the difference maybe is that to the outside my life looks amazing (it really is, but maybe not quite what you think).
In a photo, it would appear that life is footloose and fancy free...but maybe things are not always what they seem. Which is what brought me to the conclusion, that apparently I have more work than I realize to do on the inside.
Thanks to social media, we are in touch with everyone...I do really depend on it to share the growth & development of my family with all of my family members several miles away. How else would I know that Uncle Kent got voted to councilman or that my neighbor I grew up with is now married with children. It's also convenient and necessary to build a business, keep clients engaged...and so on.
And then, there are the countless check-ins, posts, & pictures of how fabulous everyone is all doing, which I do love to look at and read..and I am right there with the best of them...the difference maybe is that to the outside my life looks amazing (it really is, but maybe not quite what you think).
In a photo, it would appear that life is footloose and fancy free...but maybe things are not always what they seem. Which is what brought me to the conclusion, that apparently I have more work than I realize to do on the inside.
Rewind to a social media project I had been tagged in to complete..(no, not the ice bucket)...but to post 5 photos where you felt beautiful. A friend had just posted hers, & I just loved the idea, because I do really believe there are all kinds of beautiful...inside & out...so that should be easy, dig up some pictures of yourself with loved ones, special events, moments in your life where you felt beautiful... All these ideas ran through my head of trying to emulate that image of strength and confidence...and yet, I still can't manage to find 5...5 photos I feel beautiful inside and out...(please, don't give me that crap that it's on the inside is all that matters...it's Facebook, you never not posted a picture because you were hideous or posted it because, well, it was not so bad or even better, flattering in all aspects)...so I thought, there must be a mix of photos where I feel beautiful inside because I"m with someone I love & maybe I just happen to look beautiful on the outside...
As the days passed & I still couldn't pull this together... it began to bother me even more that this fun little Facebook project was eating at my brain, ...so much so, that out on a run in the mountains, it's what I thought of as I ascended each hill...Am I worse off than I thought? What happened to being a work in progress? How could I not find 5 pictures of myself? Why am I zeroed in on if my thighs look too big, my shoulders too broad, & my face just not pretty...God, have I not grown at all? What kind of example am I for my girls?
After that run, in usual fashion, I found my girls playing with my phone...and once they saw how sweaty & red I was, they, of course, started snapping away. Later, looking at these pictures of myself after running out to Gunstock in the middle of the day, heat, hills, and everything in between...I realized that maybe I will be okay after all. A beauty queen I am not...and some of those photos...geez, straight to the trash can...but I am okay when I run and right after a run....I feel as good on the inside as a picture perfect photo might entail. That is it: I do feel beautiful when I run...probably one of the few times, inside and out...so for now I will hold on to that.
You won't find too many bikini shots of me, and you definitely will have to look hard for me in a dress, heels & a full face of makeup...but you might find some photos of me running or otherwise being active, surrounded by family and friends that have similar lifestyles...probably not looking very picture perfect or even pretty for that matter...but feeling stronger & more beautiful than ever. And maybe that is where beauty lies...
As the days passed & I still couldn't pull this together... it began to bother me even more that this fun little Facebook project was eating at my brain, ...so much so, that out on a run in the mountains, it's what I thought of as I ascended each hill...Am I worse off than I thought? What happened to being a work in progress? How could I not find 5 pictures of myself? Why am I zeroed in on if my thighs look too big, my shoulders too broad, & my face just not pretty...God, have I not grown at all? What kind of example am I for my girls?
After that run, in usual fashion, I found my girls playing with my phone...and once they saw how sweaty & red I was, they, of course, started snapping away. Later, looking at these pictures of myself after running out to Gunstock in the middle of the day, heat, hills, and everything in between...I realized that maybe I will be okay after all. A beauty queen I am not...and some of those photos...geez, straight to the trash can...but I am okay when I run and right after a run....I feel as good on the inside as a picture perfect photo might entail. That is it: I do feel beautiful when I run...probably one of the few times, inside and out...so for now I will hold on to that.
You won't find too many bikini shots of me, and you definitely will have to look hard for me in a dress, heels & a full face of makeup...but you might find some photos of me running or otherwise being active, surrounded by family and friends that have similar lifestyles...probably not looking very picture perfect or even pretty for that matter...but feeling stronger & more beautiful than ever. And maybe that is where beauty lies...
Friday, July 11, 2014
The Comeback
The sun does
rise again after a sunset. The flowers do bloom after a long, cold winter. And
life does go on after a death, illness, tragedy, or an oxygen depriving, blind-siding
sucker punch to the gut…
In running
and in my lifetime of sport, I have always wanted to be perfect…train exactly
how I need to in order to get the result I am aiming to get. Like a simple math
equation, if I do x and y then, I will get z…done. Of course, life and life as
a runner, a mom, a wife…fully employed managing a health club while managing my
own home life & our own rental properties…it never, ever goes as smoothly
as that…but I have always managed to pull off exactly what I needed to do for
my “win.”
The question
remains…can I run a race knowing I am not 100%...knowing that I was asked with
the intent of this being “fun” versus the last time we ran it to chase a prize…Is
it possible to rise from the injured runner cemetery and train a short time to
complete a race? Can I put my ego aside and just be…just run…that’s all I’m
expected to do…complete it and have fun…
Sounds like
a dream for someone trying to make a comeback…a nice way to ease back into the
game…problem is, my all or nothing attitude…that attitude that has gotten me
far in my athletic endeavors could hold me back and drown me this time around
or hurt me. My all or nothing ego…has given me so many opportunities and
experiences and yet, could hold me back in the blink of an eye.
The pressure
has already been taken off by the team sponsor…but I’ve never been competitive
with everyone else…I am competitive with myself…always trying to prove I am
worthy, I am strong, I am smart, I am good…enough…
Nothing is a
definite but when you know the expectations and you know you can meet them,
then, really…you have got nothing to lose…Because maybe having an all or
nothing attitude worked before, but maybe, just maybe…the time is right to
learn how to ride the bumps without getting too excited or too deflated…to just
show up and play for the sake of finishing.
If there is
one thing I have learned, in life, work, love, and running…it doesn’t always
have to be perfect, and it doesn’t even have to be great…but making a comeback
after the fall…making an attempt at a comeback, even if it’s awkward,
uncomfortable and not always pretty, maybe that is what matters most of all…
Monday, July 7, 2014
Run, lift, breathe: Life in Between
Life in Between
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...for good and for bad. When I am in training, it's all I think about, talk about & dream about...right down to what I eat, how I sleep, and everything else. If I take on a goal, there is nothing that will get in my way to not achieve it...I have tunnel vision, & I refuse to quit until I get there.
On the flip side...if I'm not "in it to win it", I just assume not participate or engage at all. Oh sure, there's a few things I can fake like the best of them...my morning time yoga while slurping on my bullet proof coffee (why of course I practice yoga, all runners should right...my version, totally faking it). But otherwise, if I'm not chasing it down, on the hunt...I"m not partaking in it.
I do just fine with this sort of attitude & approach to life...maybe sometimes I miss out by not being more in between, but I don't like to do things half-assed...partially in it...gray...can't stand that not completely committed feeling...it's kind of like being on a roller coaster but you never quite get to the good stuff...you're just riding along, slow and steady...never really taking the plunge or taking an upside down loop...
I guess to me...life in between is REALLY like riding a merry go round. You never really get nervous or scared, and you never really laugh so hard in pure adrenaline. You are safe, and sure, it may be enjoyable for a moment, but then, you find you aren't getting anywhere. And you are just looking at the same thing, over and over again...life in between...I just assume not ride it.
My running life right now is life in between. I am not training for any race...I am just there. Running with no purpose. I am not resting my injury either. Just in between... plodding along...not pushing the limits, not going for it...
This is not an easy place for me to be...in fact, it's downright uncomfortable. I would rather die trying at just about anything than just coasting, doing absolutely nothing. Basically, that leaves me feeling a little irritable, grouchy, & like I'm walking around missing something...
It also means that as a coach & as a person participating in life, I can be disappointed...heart broken, crushed...that someone wasn't drinking the same Kool-Aid I was drinking...they were just living life in between...not fully committed...until they were just not committed at all....
Maybe there is a lesson in all this...for me, to learn that it does not always have to be all or nothing...or maybe that when I throw my all into something, someone, I should do it guarded and with less passion so that if I get let down, it's a little lighter and easier...less uncomfortable...
That leaves me with two choices...to be that overly passionate person...knowing I may be disappointed at times...Or be that person that plays it safe, just slow and steady...never getting hurt, but never getting anywhere...
For now, i only know one way...so I'll continue opting for the roller coaster of a ride...risking getting disappointed, rolling the dice hoping for doubles, and leaving it out there on the road and in life...I might cry sometimes, I might limp around...but you will never, ever doubt where my heart lies...right out there, in it to win it....
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...for good and for bad. When I am in training, it's all I think about, talk about & dream about...right down to what I eat, how I sleep, and everything else. If I take on a goal, there is nothing that will get in my way to not achieve it...I have tunnel vision, & I refuse to quit until I get there.
On the flip side...if I'm not "in it to win it", I just assume not participate or engage at all. Oh sure, there's a few things I can fake like the best of them...my morning time yoga while slurping on my bullet proof coffee (why of course I practice yoga, all runners should right...my version, totally faking it). But otherwise, if I'm not chasing it down, on the hunt...I"m not partaking in it.
I do just fine with this sort of attitude & approach to life...maybe sometimes I miss out by not being more in between, but I don't like to do things half-assed...partially in it...gray...can't stand that not completely committed feeling...it's kind of like being on a roller coaster but you never quite get to the good stuff...you're just riding along, slow and steady...never really taking the plunge or taking an upside down loop...
I guess to me...life in between is REALLY like riding a merry go round. You never really get nervous or scared, and you never really laugh so hard in pure adrenaline. You are safe, and sure, it may be enjoyable for a moment, but then, you find you aren't getting anywhere. And you are just looking at the same thing, over and over again...life in between...I just assume not ride it.
My running life right now is life in between. I am not training for any race...I am just there. Running with no purpose. I am not resting my injury either. Just in between... plodding along...not pushing the limits, not going for it...
This is not an easy place for me to be...in fact, it's downright uncomfortable. I would rather die trying at just about anything than just coasting, doing absolutely nothing. Basically, that leaves me feeling a little irritable, grouchy, & like I'm walking around missing something...
It also means that as a coach & as a person participating in life, I can be disappointed...heart broken, crushed...that someone wasn't drinking the same Kool-Aid I was drinking...they were just living life in between...not fully committed...until they were just not committed at all....
Maybe there is a lesson in all this...for me, to learn that it does not always have to be all or nothing...or maybe that when I throw my all into something, someone, I should do it guarded and with less passion so that if I get let down, it's a little lighter and easier...less uncomfortable...
That leaves me with two choices...to be that overly passionate person...knowing I may be disappointed at times...Or be that person that plays it safe, just slow and steady...never getting hurt, but never getting anywhere...
For now, i only know one way...so I'll continue opting for the roller coaster of a ride...risking getting disappointed, rolling the dice hoping for doubles, and leaving it out there on the road and in life...I might cry sometimes, I might limp around...but you will never, ever doubt where my heart lies...right out there, in it to win it....
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Breathe: Tales from a Big Girl
Big is one of those adjectives I try to avoid if at all possible. What does it mean really? A big serving of ice cream....a big house...a big idea...it could mean anything, everything, and nothing at all...and it means so many different things to so many different people. Everyone has their own perspective...And if you are a girl that is 5'10 and not Giselle-weight worthy or build, well...big, feels...well, big...& shitty...big girl, big bones, big in stature, big muscles...and for some reason, that doesn't translate to being pretty in a big girl's head.
When I was growing up & going through the painful awkwardness of puberty, I"m pretty sure none of my friends and I dreamed of being "big"...big boobs maybe, still waiting on that one...but that just wasn't something we aspired to be. I know I thought I would be happier if I just blended in...maybe not so tall, not so skinny (at the time), & definitely not so flat-chested....I didn't dream of broad shoulders and strong quads...
So why didn't I dream of big thighs that could carry me 26.2 miles in a race? Or a core that could challenge at least a few guys in a kettlebell workout? What distorted my view of myself so much back then, and how do I avoid it with my own girls?
We have slowly made improvements at celebrating bodies of all shapes..a step up from the 80s and 90s...partially thanks to the American fascination with professional athletes. We've made some progress with some of the pictures of health on magazine covers...in college, for me, it was Gabrielle Reece (standing in at 6'2-6'3 with strong beach volleyball thighs & broad "big" girl shoulders)...though I still ended up a little scarred & had my own issues at one point (but that's for another blog entry)...she was also a model...and probably the first of her kind with an athletic build after a post-Kate Moss hangover. And, let's not forget the fascination with Jennifer Lopez' ass...girls with big asses and strong athletic asses are still thanking her for paving that path.
My own girls today have an amazing variety of "women" other than their mom that they can look to for what healthy looks like...some of them even are friends of mine who do come in all kinds of healthy shapes and sizes, and some are of professional sport stature...Julia Mancuso, Mikaela Schriffin, Lindsay Vonn (yes, all skiers)...but in my family it works. There's also a good chance, they will have to embrace their strong thighs and broad shoulders based on their gentics and their intense love for sport.
Maybe the whole problem with the word big is not the word itself but our warped view on it?
Sometimes it can mean a good thing, and sometimes it's heartbreaking. Certainly, we as a whole could probably be more articulate when we choose our adjectives to describe someone's living space, an overly generous portion of dessert or someone's strong and fit physique...or maybe we should get over it and stop being so sensitive about a silly little word. Either way, I know in my household, I choose to speak more descriptive and specific with my children in regards to portions and proportions because I would hate to have them label themselves or someone else and thus, pass on the trait of spending an adulthood battling a three letter word....
When I was growing up & going through the painful awkwardness of puberty, I"m pretty sure none of my friends and I dreamed of being "big"...big boobs maybe, still waiting on that one...but that just wasn't something we aspired to be. I know I thought I would be happier if I just blended in...maybe not so tall, not so skinny (at the time), & definitely not so flat-chested....I didn't dream of broad shoulders and strong quads...
So why didn't I dream of big thighs that could carry me 26.2 miles in a race? Or a core that could challenge at least a few guys in a kettlebell workout? What distorted my view of myself so much back then, and how do I avoid it with my own girls?
We have slowly made improvements at celebrating bodies of all shapes..a step up from the 80s and 90s...partially thanks to the American fascination with professional athletes. We've made some progress with some of the pictures of health on magazine covers...in college, for me, it was Gabrielle Reece (standing in at 6'2-6'3 with strong beach volleyball thighs & broad "big" girl shoulders)...though I still ended up a little scarred & had my own issues at one point (but that's for another blog entry)...she was also a model...and probably the first of her kind with an athletic build after a post-Kate Moss hangover. And, let's not forget the fascination with Jennifer Lopez' ass...girls with big asses and strong athletic asses are still thanking her for paving that path.
My own girls today have an amazing variety of "women" other than their mom that they can look to for what healthy looks like...some of them even are friends of mine who do come in all kinds of healthy shapes and sizes, and some are of professional sport stature...Julia Mancuso, Mikaela Schriffin, Lindsay Vonn (yes, all skiers)...but in my family it works. There's also a good chance, they will have to embrace their strong thighs and broad shoulders based on their gentics and their intense love for sport.
Maybe the whole problem with the word big is not the word itself but our warped view on it?
Sometimes it can mean a good thing, and sometimes it's heartbreaking. Certainly, we as a whole could probably be more articulate when we choose our adjectives to describe someone's living space, an overly generous portion of dessert or someone's strong and fit physique...or maybe we should get over it and stop being so sensitive about a silly little word. Either way, I know in my household, I choose to speak more descriptive and specific with my children in regards to portions and proportions because I would hate to have them label themselves or someone else and thus, pass on the trait of spending an adulthood battling a three letter word....
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